The Butterfly Effect

Up until my early 40s, I had struggled with my size. I couldn’t remember a time when I consciously felt happy about the way my body looked. How sad is that at my slimmest weight with a BMI of 22, I was still conscious of my big behind and dreamt of a flatter tush. Little did I know that the future me would long to go back to that size because the future me was going to gain a whopping 30 kilograms at her heaviest.

I did manage to lose a lot of my excess weight but as “life” happened, it was slowly creeping back. Then about three years ago, I went through a major life change, followed by a severe episode of shingles, followed by a level of chronic exhaustion which made me feel a few decades older than the four I had spent on this planet. It was time to face the truth- I needed to make life-long changes or I would not enjoy all the things I loved- hiking, travelling, long walks, playing with my future grandkids, and so on…

I did not know where to start but over many slow and long walks along the riverside near my home, I listened to two audiobooks- The Dental Diet by Dr. Steven Lin and The Autoimmune Fix by Tom O’Bryan. Both these books helped me gain a nuanced understanding of the importance of healthy bacteria in our bodies and the role of diet and lifestyle in feeding these good bacteria.

I also watched videos by Dr. Eric Berg on YouTube which helped me build up my knowledge of a healthy lifestyle. Most of Dr. Berg’s advice resonated with what I had learnt during my Food and Nutrition studies during B.Sc., and the gems I had picked up along my weight-loss journey and yo-yo diets throughout my life.

Slowly and steadily over the following few months, I focused on myself and prioritised my sleep, continued those long walks, found an exercise accountability buddy, planned my weekly menu in advance and honed my weekly meal-prep skills, brewed my own kombucha and followed Eckhart Tolle’s advice on practicing mindfulness.

These relatively small changes had a butterfly effect on my life. The butterfly effect basically means that a tiny cause, like the fluttering of the wings of a butterfly in Brazil, can have a HUGE effect, like setting off a tornado in Texas. And this example comes straight from a scientific talk given by mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz more than 50 years ago. This video gives a scientific and fun explanation of the The Butterfly Effect and the internet is full of funny memes about it.

Little did I know that the small changes I was making to live a better, more energetic life would help me get fit and feel great. I also lost about 7 kilograms but the change in my body shape and energy levels were so immense that some people thought I had lost 20! For me, weight loss was just a nice “side effect” of all the changes I made. The real benefits were the ones I felt within- I felt younger, more energetic and happier than I had ever felt in my entire life!

But my emotional eating demons still pay me a visit every now and then. I tend to turn to food when something in my life makes my ego feel out of control. I still sometimes look into the fridge for answers, empty tubs of ice cream or peanut butter to fill an unknown void or indulge in a second or even a third “dinner” when these demons need some company at night.

I have learnt to recognise and acknowledge these visits by my emotional eating demons. I have learnt to observe myself until the feeling passes. Or to heat up a cup of milk (usually plant based) with a teaspoon of turmeric instead of loading up a plate of leftovers during those late night hunger pangs. I remind myself, “This (whatever the problem my mind is perceiving) too shall pass, but the fat in your hips might stay forever!” I solidify my new identity, even if at times I myself don’t have faith in it: “I am not a person who eats indiscriminately; I am a lady with an eclectic taste.”

Guess what? I often succeed in thwarting them. But many times I don’t. And it’s okay- tomorrow’s another day… It’s about the journey, not just the destination, right?